YOOOO SO LOOK DA FIRST TIME I EVER GOT ON DIS RIDE I WAS WITH A WHITE FAMILY AND U KNOW WHITE FOLKS CRAZY SO DEY DONT FEAR ROLLER COASTERS OR DEATH IN GENERAL. AFTER ABOUT 10 MINUTES OF TELLIN DEM DAT I DIDNT WANNA GET ON I FINALLY SAID YES CUZ I AINT NEVER BEEN NO BITCH AND I DIDNT PLAN ON STARTING THAT DAY. WHEN DA ENGINEER SAID “PLS LEAN BACK AND KEEP THE BACK OF UR HEAD PRESSED AGAINST YOUR SEAT” AND I SAW EVERYBODY STICK DA BACK OF THEIR HEADS TO THE CHAIR I KNEW DAT I MADE DA WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE CUZ I EVEN SAW SOME BLACK FOLKS LISTEN AND U KNOW DAT WHEN BLACK PEOPLE LISTEN A WHITE LADY’S ADVICE , ITS DA REAL DEAL. SO MY FIRST MISTAKE WAS REFUSING TO PRESS MY HEAD AGAINST THE SEAT… THE RIDE TAKES OFF AND MY DOME SLAMS AGAINST THE CHAIR WHILE MY NECK SNAPPED… UNCONSCIOUS INSTANTLY.. WHEN I AWOKE FROM MY 3 SECOND SLUMBER WE HAD REACHED DA VERY TOP OF THE RIDE WHERE THE RIDE MAKES A QUICK PAUSE… WHEN THE RIDE MADE THAT PAUSE I OPENED MY EYES CAUSE I THOUGHT THE RIDE WAS OVER AND WE ALL MADE IT SAFELY. BOY WAS I WRONG… I OPENED MY EYES AND DA ONLY THING I SAW WAS A 300 FOOT DROP STRAIGHT TO DA GROUND SO I SAID “GOD YOU CANT LET ME DIE LIKE DIS”. I THINK I SUFFERED A HEART CONTUSION CUZ MY HEART JUST COMPLETELY STOPPED BEATING… AND THAN THE RIDE TAKES OFF AGAIN… WE MAKE THE 300 FOOT DROP AND I SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT AS IM SCARED TO DEATH BECAUSE DA ONLY TIME A HUMAN SHOULD BE DAT HIGH IN DA AIR IS WHEN THEIR SPIRIT IS BEING SUCKED INTO HEAVEN BY DA GRACE OF GOD.. SO WE SAFELY MAKE IT TO DA END OF DA RIDE AND WHEN WE GET OFF I STUMBLE OUT OF THE SEAT CUZ MY LEGS WENT NUMB AND ALL THE AIR WAS SUCKED OUT OF MY BODY SO I COULDNT TALK EITHER.. DA FIRST THING THESE CRAZY MOTHERFUCKERS TELL ME IS “HEY MAN LETS DO THAT AGAIN THAT WAS WICKED”. I LOOKED AT DEM AND I REALIZED DAT DIS WHITE KID DAT I BEFRIENDED WAS ACTUALLY SATAN. I NO LONGER HAVE ANY WHITE FRIENDS.
please read this whole thing.
does sebastian stan live in the gym is he trapped there can someone please help him
(I’m sorry for what’s about to happen here)
"Oh my God," Bucky says, words slurring a bit, "Oh my God.”
"Right?" says Steve, well and truly smashed on some sort of Asgardian something that Thor brought. "S’crazy, isn’t it?"
"And you just," Bucky says, gesturing wildly, almost taking out a lamp with his metal arm. "And then just - and you - and that’s it?”
"Yeah!" Steve says. He hauls Bucky along behind him. "C’mon, c’mon I gotta - you’re gonna love this, I swear, it’s the best part of the future. The best part.”
An hour later, Tony walks into the living room and asks, “Why does it smell like coffee in here?”
The other Avengers all point wordlessly towards the kitchen. Tony, hesitating for a minute, walks in to find Steve and Bucky laughing to the point of near incoherency, surrounded by what’s got to be at least twelve pounds of ground coffee beans.
"Oh my God," Bucky says, pressing the button. The electric coffee grinder rumbled to life, whirring as it shredded the beans to powder. "Steve, oh my God.”
"Right?" Steve says, waving his arms. "Right?”
I maintain that this is the pinnacle of my fandom contributions.
"What has it got in its nasty little pocketses??"
I wonder if Steve’s ever been in the middle of sex and got mixed up shouting “fuck” and “Bucky” and instead yelled “FUCKY.”
(Oh, fucky, I slipped and made a fic)
Not only is Tony Stark an A+ human being and benevolent kazillionaire who built all his best superhero friends an entire luxury apartment building/playground/arsenal in downtown Manhattan, but he is also an engineer. Do people forget about that? He never does. So not only did he design the building, he designed it with a lot of soundproofing and, as a final gesture of benevolence and hospitality, he made goddamned sure that none of the fucking beds squeaked. Especially not the bed in the suite above the theater, which now belongs to Cap. Tony personally tested it. Ok, not personally, but in person? Better? Yeah, he was there, that’s what he’s getting at. And there wasn’t any squeaking. Nor did Jarvis report any sound leakage of any kind, and while Jarvis is programmed to be incredibly tactful, he is not programmed to be a complete lying bastard, and Tony is going to have to look into that. Probably soon.
I SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHING SO HARD